Fascinating Fears

Since moving to a new house in North Carolina, I have seen the biggest spiders of my life. I was a Michigan girl, and let me tell you, the spiders up there were wimpy and tiny compared to the monsters I see outside all the time. I’m talking long fuzzy legs with the biggest bodies and HUGE fangs.

Yea, not exactly my cup of tea.

I have this fear of spiders, one that most sane humans share to some degree. Let’s put it like this, if I am in the same room as a spider, I want it dead or outside. That is unless I am camping, then I have no choice but to pretend like they don't exist. For example, I lived an entire summer in this extremely old building in a campground, and the ceiling was always filled with spiderwebs. It was downright creepy, yet I braved through it because I usually don't look too close at the webs and the spiders did not invade my space.

It’s very different in this state however, because the spiders here are very visible, and very hard to ignore. One can barely walk 20 feet outside without running into a web, it sets my nerves on edge. Every time I run into a web I picture myself slowly turning my head around to see a giant spider climbing on my shoulder, fangs raised, and ready to bite me. These spiders get into my head. Then there are the window spiders, and these spiders are the worst of them all. I will just look out the window searching for a beautiful view when Instead I see this huge spider in the middle of it. Everytime I see these window spiders I can’t bring myself to turn away. I am always fascinated by these spiders, the ones I can truly look at without the risk of them hurting me.

I am fascinated with what I am afraid of.

Spiders shoot a spike of fear and adrenaline in me every time I see one, yet when I have the chance to get close to one with a pane of glass to protect me, I am fascinated by it and want to stare at it. One day I even went around to every window looking for giant spiders.

Do we ever find ourselves focused on what scares us?

I might be weird, or it might be an innate human reaction to stare at what scares us when we know we are safe from it. It’s not necessarily facing ones fear when there is no danger from it. What is one of your biggest tangible fears? If you had a chance to study it through a window, would you?


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